TheSpunker - by Ben Popken. Published by Gattaca, Inc.

Subservient Soap

Confess your sins and the "Come Clean" microsite washes them away with a spritz of soap, warm water and the voice of a soothing Indian lady. The AI's specific replies will make you grin. Type 'masturbate' and she says, "Are you familiar with the fiddler crab? It has one regular claw and one really big claw. Think about how it got that way." Kudos for catch-all'responses that neither destroy the illusion nor annoy. You can also read other people's confessions or have them streamed directly to your screensaver. Then you'll have to come back to the site and confess your voyeurism... Cyber Lion grand prize winning work from CP&B for Method home-care products. via.

Gawker Broke our Heart

Dear Gawker,

   The Spunker removed Gawker from our blogroll. With the insularity of Kruckoffgate, the 'gee look it's a story' of Braunsteingate and the ceaseless banality of drunken blogger parties, coupled with your refusal to link to our posts--Gawker, it's over.
   Staring into the pixels, we realize our love died a long time ago but the rose-colored woolen blinders finally lifted when you ignored our TV Carnage party tip. That would've been fine, we know you're busy, but then you posted a "night-life to-do list" topped by a 3-day Kwanzaa party at the Museum of Natural History??? Not cool. We're sorry that made us say, "I thought an entertaining video romp...would've superseded [the Kwanzza party]. Perhaps Gawker should start a new 'Kidz Korner' page? Call it, "Peekaboo." Syndicate to Yahoohilgans. Distribute on gen2 Tamigachis. AOL Keyword: poopyinthepantsNYC," but we felt vulnerable. You'll always have a special place in our sitemeter log-- we'll fondly remember that illicit evening when you linked us all night long with 8,000+ visits... sigh... We'll still cruise by and sling comment rocks through your window, albeit, with diminished frequency.
    Despite our best efforts, this relationship is going nowhere. It's time to move on, for both of us. Accept our sincere wishes for your bright future, we're sure one day you'll get that rich media McDonald's popup ad you deserve.

Regards,

TheSpunker.com

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UPDATE: Gawker writes in a trackback, "Dudes, I’m sorry! Please love me and welcome me back! The barrage of email is harder to keep track of than you’d think" - only demonstrating they're just not ready for a serious relationship.

Is this a fake smile?

If one's face is an advertisement for one's thoughts and disposition, one needs to parse which ads are honest and which are late-night infomercials. So, how good are you at spotting fake smiles? Take this quick BBC psychology test and find out. Results reveal its actually very difficult to distinguish between genuine and fake smiles. The survey posits, "One possible explanation for this is that it may be easier for people to get along if they don't always know what others are really feeling." By the by, the smile pictured is fake. Via.

Tonite: Live TV Carnage @ American Apparel

American Apparel, The Spunker's favoritest advertiser, hosts TV Carnage's "A Sore for Sighted Eyes" tonight along with Vice magazine at their Pop-Up shop, 8-10pm, 140 W. Broadway, NYC. Each TV Carnage episode boasts "hundreds of hours of exceptionally bad TV lovingly fused together into hour plus, glorious cesspools of retardation." (Example). A Pop-Up shop is a temporary American Apparel store that's "up in 5 days and gone in 45" and hosts "spontaneous events.” It's just like the mall Halloween store that's only there from September to October, except I'll actually be going to this store and going tonight.

Kiwi Crazy Fast Films are Just That

Kiwi shoe polish's 'Crazy Fast' films are up. They feature a kiwi bird exploding through adderall-fueled adventure rides. Spiffy work! via.

WOMMA Training on Auction Block, Slips

WOMMA is raising $20,000 for charity by Ebaying passes to its upcoming Word of Mouth Basic Training. The confo is in Orlando on January 19-20, 2006, a 2-day fete of "learning the best ethical word of mouth marketing practices." WOMMA opted to display no product shots on the auction pages, perhaps they just feel like violating basic marketing tenets in a display of ethical buzz marketing? It would be nice to attend and learn what 'ethical' word-of-mouth marketing is, why it matters, and how massaging it is more cost-effective than making a superior product.

Madonna in a Bottle

Sip the sweet nectar of the material girl. Or not. In which case you can suckle the salt of The Stones. Celebrity Cellars offers lines of  Madonna and Rolling Stones emblazoned wine bottles, "available filled with your choice of premium wine or UnWine® de-alcoholized red table wine." We'll leave you to decide whether the vintages are as delectable as the sweat of Mick and Madge.

Tommy Gun Vodka

Inside a glass Tommy Gun, Alphonse Capone bottlers loaded top-shelf Polish vodka. Liquor Snob found the distilled grains, "cool to the touch when you first pick it up, but smoky hot when it goes to work." Perfect for a killer New Year's party.

What We Learned, Revealed!

Here are 40 pages from the WK12 book (the quasi-secret Wieden + Kennedy tome with quasi-secret instructions on applying for its hands-on internship program). A current student writes, "All along there has been an electronic copy of over 100 spreads hidden on our website.  This was done in case of applicants on the tip of the Aleutians or some other far-flung location.  As we get closer to the deadline we would like to reveal the existence of this electronic copy to everyone.  Within it (and not within your .pdf) are the application instructions.  It can be found by going to the www.wk12.com website and instead of entering your email address when asked, entering the word "book"."

Santa Pervo Mashup Vid

Booty-bass pranksters Avenue D released their Christmas video featuring a mashup of some b-movie Santa horror porno. It's a compelling artistic outcry against the over-commercialization of Christmas featuring boobies and a helpless lady impaled on reindeer horns. Hi rez. Lo res. (NSFW). UPDATE: Daphne of Avenue D writes the vid is a mix of Silent Night, Deadly Night and Santa Clause Conquers the Martians (full version here). Daphne made the Jesus herself, though.