True Evite Crimes

So Bucky Turco, the Man behind Animal magazine,  and I were chitchatting back and forth and he wanted to know what I would think if I received the evite below from Coltrane Curtis, who is, as I later learn , the MTV Fashion VJ (bitchy critque follows the primary source doc). UPDATE: The evite's writer retorts in the comments. Word up.

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NEW YORK IS NO LONGER WACK ON THE WEEKENDS.... This is for all who will be in NY this weekend, and not dodging du-rags, chicken heads and bullets in Detroit.

Voltron is forming... With 2 weeks under our belt, this GET FRESH FRIDAY is really a good look. Pretty faces, industry heavy-hitters, eclectically sexy professional women, good looking well-dressed eligible men (pause) and great sounds (Soul)...!

The shit that I really love, is that folks were dressed, looking good. LOOKING DAMN GOOD....! Sneakers, frames, heels, good denim, handbags, watches, were all in the building. We got started a lil late, like 11:30, but we rocked till my NewEra and Scott Langton shit got sweated thru (Shameless plug....!)

 Off top, big shouts and mad love to, BOMBAY SAPPHIRE (Little big guy and Senor curly, thank you for your support), Pole Dancers, Young Hollywood, Twin Hype Lisa and Alex (lol), Drea @ Akademiks, Fifi, Coffey, Dao-Yi, Max-imum Miami, Natalie, Aixa & crew, Jessica and Jessica's Amazing Birthday Soiree.---snip---

This week, Bombay Sapphire in the spot, FOR LADIES ONLY... fellas, don't even fix your lips to ask for a drink ticket. REAL TALK....! ---snip---

 GET FRESH FRIDAY'S
@ PINK
199 Bowery
11pm- Until
DJ SOUL
__
COLTRANE CURTIS
MANAGING PARTNER / CREATIVE DIRECTOR
EPIPHANY / MARGEOTES,FERTITTA AND POWELL
411 Lafayette   Street
6th Floor
New York, NY
10003
Tel 212.460.0522
Cel 917.714.5101
Fax 212.475.3932
[email protected]
[email protected]
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTE: This e-mail message, including any attachment(s), contains information that may be confidential, protected by the attorney-client or other legal privileges... ---snip---
- - - - - -

SPUNKER: Hmm, I would think... Pretty design on the flyer but who the fuck is this funny fat kid? Most importantly, what kind of music is playing? It takes me a while to figure out its Soul. That should be pretty high up there not all this other hootenanny and oh by the way we’re playing Soul. I would think why does this dude spend so much time talking about how good looking the party is? When I party, I want the music to be good, the drinks to be cheap and the people cool, not some fashionista “heavy hitter” scene. And then I would check out his email addresses realize this is MTV’s Fashion VJ and so that’s his whole thing and I would be like, oh ok this is kind of funny then. But his websites are shallow so he gets points off. And I would think it’s silly to use “W3” as your shorthand for world wide web. The title of your attachment is another branding opportunity, don’t waste it. And spending half your evite on shoutouts is lame. As is having a confidentiality notice. And I don’t give a whoop that you were sponsored by Bombay Sapphire, don’t put them in caps. So overall, unless I knew the people throwing it or otherwise had a really good reason, I wouldn’t attend.

ANIMAL: You're good. I was kind of feeling the same way. This mentioning of the clothes etc is what bothered me the most. And of course, it being way too fucking long. I kept thinking, can't this kid cut this banter down to 2 sentences?

SPUNKER:Yeah it’s like “First we looked good. Then lightened up after having enough sponsored drinks. Then we had some fun and got stinky in our good looking clothing. But first and foremost, we were good looking.” The *list* of accessories is pretty classic. Shit man, look at all these words you made me write. I should niptuck this whole thing into a blog entry.

ANIMAL:Yes you should, laf. (that may have been the point, I don't know myself, but sometimes I can be sneaky like that).

SPUNKER:Yeah aren’t you involved in the promo juice behind this? I thought I remembered coming across something like before.

ANIMAL: Fuck no. Please. Ugg. I should burn your email for even suggesting.

SPUNKER: Good. I’ll take my lighter away from the little framed certificate on the wall that says “respect for Bucky” as well then.

ANIMAL: No way. Ok. If you keep up the certificate I will forget your insinuation of me being behind such a terrible event, laf.

SPUNKER: The certificate stays!

Comments

[Bucky da ANIMAL]

Laugh Coltrane. That explanation was almost as long as the e-vite. Time for some editing classes.

Again nothing personal against you I just don't like:

-long winded e-vites
-have to worry about dressing "fly" or whatever.

I just can't submit to such shallowness as to how clean my sneakers are.

Other then that, it's all good. Shout out to
Sapporo.

[Ben Popken]

Thanks for the response, Coltrane. That is the kind of retort I like to see. Kudos for carving out what you think is good, at your personal expense, in reaction to a city that's not providing the nightlife you want.

W3_invite.jpg is what you titled your invite attachment. Liquor companies should swallow shards of one of their over designed bottles. I've thrown plenty of parties (some of which played a hiphop song or two) and made plenty of evites and yours my friend, is a crappy invite.

I do, however, get out sometimes and leave my laptop. After all, sometimes you have to pee and get more cheetos.

[COLTRANE]

So this is COLTRANE.. The creator of the e-vite, the MTV Fashion VJ, the former VP @ Ecko for 9 years, the fliest guy you know, the soho-resident and the owner of Epiphany (Agency of records for Sapporo, Sapphire, Zero Cases, etc). Its me, and thanks for giving my personal info to the world...! Love ya for that.....

So about GET FRESH FRIDAY'S. I started this 3 weeks ago at PINK. I started this cause everything is wak, PERIOD. I produce over 150 special events a year for my clients, and I do this ONE for Fun.. Yes FUN.. I lose about 12000 per week, do you hear me? A $1200 brick a week.....! For the sake of good music, good looking people and no hassle at the door, welcome to my world. I do shit for the fun of it, despite my financial advisor saying your BUGGIN TRANE...! I do this so I can have somewhere to go. As a smart, progressive, well-dressed, well-connected, well-liked dude; I have no-where to enjoy myself when I hit the town. Me or my fine ass girlfriend, Lisa, Have nowhere to go...! Clubs play our music (Black Music, I said it...), and won't let us in.. That is it.

So, GET FRESH FRIDAYS was born, a place where people of the culture (Black or white??) can come enjoy the fruits of their culture. FUCK PM, and other coon-like establishments that have no respect for the culture that they promote. You will never see me in PM, and I hope no other label, brand or celebrity continues to support those venues like PM.. FUCK THEM....!

To answer you question???
That Fat White Kid - He is great and real. Thought it would be funny. We change the e-vite every week, so maybe you'd like this weeks??

The look - This party may not be for you, obviusly. If you go to venues where drinks are cheap and your "wears" aren't fly. Than you should move to like Boston, cause none of my events are for you.. WE KEEP IT FLY.

W3 - Don't know what you are referring to. W??? That sounds like some cyberspace psycho babble you'd know about.. Wrong dude...

Shout-Outs - Shout outs are a part of my culture. Do you listen to Hip-Hop??? we shout out everyone and our moms too..... LOL... If you are mad cause you feel excluded from conversation/dialogue, then maybe you should leave your laptop and meet some people. Be sociable, and then you might be in the know and have a clue...

BOMBAY SAPPHIRE - Lets be real. You like cheap liquor and drinks at the bar, and don't like liquor company shout-outs???? Hmmmmmmm.. Need I say more KING INCONSISTENCY, or do you like SULTAN of CONTRADICTION??/ Your choice..

BIG SHOUTS TO ANIMAL MAGAZINE... Really no jokes.. I fuck with Bucky and that mag..... and, FUCK PM...!

TRANE

[DJ Clueless]

Soul is the name of the DJ you putz, not the type of music being played. Not for nothing, I agree with you that this is the kind of shitty invite and accompanying gaseous hype spew that makes me never want to go out to a party ever again. That said, I've seen ten times worse, and I think that the kid on the bike is intended to lampoon the eastvillagetrustfundbuti'msohiphop look of people that attend events such as this. I'm not quite sure why posting this invite and release was worth the bandwith. Just another week in the land of bottle service clubs and goodlooking poseurs from out of town.