TheSpunker - by Ben Popken. Published by Gattaca, Inc.

Cingular to Patent Smiley Faces

Further proof that Cingular is gay, they're trying to patent emoticons. Well, at least the idea of using emoticons on cell phones. Gay.

Fake Success on Your Cellphone

"You're kidding me?!" is a wireless voice-based service that helps users simulate a mobile phone conversation...After dialing the service number, users can choose between two types of conversations: a 'casual' or an 'important' conversation. The user is subsequently guided through a series of words and sentences that - when being repeated - makes it look and sound like a real conversation is taking place."  (Guerilla-Innovation). Call 011 45 7015 1508. Or memorize the transcript of the 'important' conversation: "Hi I got your message, no I need to see it for myself, uh huh, I'll give it a go later..yeah, uh huh...okay...no its okay, I know its a lot of money...no invited press only...no...heh I know what you mean...welll...fine...just make sure to stick to the deadline...you bet they will...really?...you're kidding me...that's what I told them...no no no its way to risky at this point...hello? hello?...I think you've, oh, there you are...no, yeah, yeah...make sure that everyone knows about the meeting...yeah....just make sure please...okay...I'm not flying to tokyo and back twice in one week...no no, I'll call as soon as I get back...no no...what....no...I can't make it tonight...well you know how it is...look, just give the tickets to someone else...yeah...no i think I'll stay for a day or two...yeah...well its all Greek to me...yeah!...I'm sorry?...yeah,of course...oh, they're very happy to join the project...yeah no surprise, but still...well...I told you...okay, great...okay, see you in New York..yeah...bye." Cellphoned people aren't just disarming because they're coexisting in two social spheres. Theirs is also privileged somehow. Maybe because you don't want to be rude and disturb someone who's on the phone, "Shh! I'm on the phone!" But you feel they're being rude to you. It's sad.

Wailing Text Message Wall

"The SMS Chatwall receives short text messages, sent by any mobile phone and shows it on TV and projector systems."  (Adverlab)."  Entire bars could be themed around it. Megaclubs could boast a cellphone chat room. For once, a use for cellphones that brings people together instead of separating them into discrete, privileged pairs.

Let's Hold Handhelds

Gizmondo's button design blithely rips off the Playstation.

MarketingVox points out the Gizmondo mobile entertainment device - able to receive geographically and demographically targeted streaming video ads - launches next month in the U.S. The handheld is a video game, movie, and music player; a web browser; text message and email sender; a camera; and a GPS-loaded navigation and tracking device. But for some reason, it's not a cell phone...Adidas, Sprite, and Levi's are some of the companies serving ads over the devices currently testing in the U.K.  Reviews are less than stellar, saying the top buttons, including the 911 button, are nearly inoperable. The Gizmondo is more interesting as an artifact of the ongoing push to put ad-capable mutli-media online kitchen sink type devices into people's hands, which is where it ALL will be at in five years. The steady slide of traditional towards online, already accelerating, becomes exponential once we're not even looking at billboards or magazines anymore but continuously staring into our handheld electronic info pods.